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Real life story #1: Horatio Wanksalot, 69,
was approaching a train platform one day when a gust of wind blew passed, and picked a bit of lint off of the lapel of his
business suit. This bit of lint was picked up by a curious bird of prey, who flew with it to its nest high on the rooftop
of an important business establishmenmt. The lint got sucked into the jet intakes of a passing jet plane. The lint split into
two equal halves and eventually found itself circulated within the cockpit. A suicidal Afghani Islamic named Schlamabadadickasuck
caught the lint in his eye, and crashed the plane into the World Trade Centre. Just before the collision, another passing
plane, this one piloted by a homosexual Mongolian goat priest, witnessed this tragedy, and in doing so got the other half
of the lint caughT in his nose hairs. The ensuing sneeze put out the controls, and he subsequently crashed into the Twin Towers.
Police are investigating the matter, but all they have revealed as yet is that the incident involved goats. Horatio, standing
on the platform, was consequently crushed from a flaming goat, which had been tethered to the roof of the Towers. Although
these incidents seem unconnected...thassa pretty freaky shit!
Real life story #2: Ronnie Yogurt, an ice-cream vendor
on 34th Street, was selling some dairy products one uneventful day when a Bolivian male stripper named Thrust Lord, and his
Laosian girlfriend Tits A-cummedon approached his little vending stall. Thrust Lord asked Ronnie for a vanilla triple-swirl,
but Ronnie told Thrust that he was out. Tits then preceded to ejaculate all over the waffle cones, to which Ronnie replied
with an affronted "Ahem." A piece of flying hoof from a spontaneously combusted goat embedded itself into Ronnie's forehead,
and he toppled over, sending the ice-cream vending machine careening down an embankment. The ice-cream stall screamed around
a corner, injuring numerous innocent goat bystanders along the way, until it arrived at a train station, sending a small bit
of lint from a man named Horatio off into the stratosphere. Meanwhile, the ice-cream stall fell onto the tracks, and caused
a massive gridlock on the railway. An elderly prostitute with a beard named Madame Dennis jumped onto the tracks to recover
the falling ice-cream, but was eventually laminated onto the hardtop. Her funeral was held on the following Monday; an eloquent
eulogy composed by an interesting goat, and his minions. One of these minions, the long lost brother of the homosexual Mongolian
goat priest, suddenly became a ranting psychotic, and attacked anyone in his path of wrath, with an ejaculation-splattered
waffle cone. He preceded to attack the real-life pilot of a jet, which was then hijacked by a group of alcoholic Aussies.
These Aussies then flew the jet to a near by hill, however on their way thy were abducted by nasty green aliens with extremely
large vibrators. The Aussies were never seen again (however, much moaning can still be heard in the upper regions of
the sky at night). A TRUE STORY!!!
Real life story #3: During an extremely coincidental lot of happenings down
on planet Earth, Yrxzzppot, a nasty green alien aboard the mothership, got a minor fragment of goat/lint stuck up his rectal
passages. Attempting to regurgitate it, he accidentally pressed the "Blow Up Earth" button, and all humanity was forever destroyed
(--if you're interested he was the other long lost brother of the homosexual Mongolian goat priest...and he was also married
to a perpetually naked Bolivian folkdancing hermaphrodite, but that's another story altogether).
What are the morals
of these stories???
=======>>>>>>>> LINT CAN KILL!!
Pass this forward
on, so people can hear of the dangers lint carries! It can be *YOUR* downfall too! So be a nice lot of boys and girls, and
wash your fucking clothes! And beware of goats!!!
Send this letter to twenty contacts in the first five minutes of
reading and you will instantly win a free toaster, a packet of pastachio nuts, and the orang-utan of your choice (Borneo may
be out of stock, however; if so, expect an I.O.U., or an imploded goat's hoof tasting of waffle cones).
Diamond Crotch
(a.k.a The Kirkus) & The CURSED TO EAT ADORABLE KITTENS.
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