The following is a survey composed my bored
arsehole with nothing particularly better to do. Beware that it may contain lewd questions relating to the sexual habits of
hoofed mammals, the density of helium inside a testicle sack, or the migratory patterns of sheep made entirely of nachos.
If you even *understood* any of the above, I suggest you go get a rhesus blood type shot, and then read on!!!
Name:
Do you think I give a shit?:
Age:
So does that mean you're legal?:
Do you like goats?:
You've
passed: what's the name of your favourite goat?:
Why is it your favourite goat?:
Did meeting your favourite
goat involve canned cheese?:
Why not?:
What do you look for in a man?:
What do you look for in a woman?:
What do you look for in a goat?:
What are the similarities?:
What's your most embarrassing moment?:
Did *this* involve goats?:
Just a question; did any moment of your godforsaken life involve goats, or are
you merely stringing me along like a bunch of bastards?:
So it *did* involve a goat?!:
How much do you want
to kill me right now?:
How many times have you had your heart broken?:
That's nothing compared to me, is it?:
Will you forward this email on?:
If not, you must be sane, yes?:
Who's your best friend?:
Who's
your funniest friend?:
Who's your loudest fried?:
NB: goats excluded.
What are some of your favourite
bands?:
Fuck you, Gerard & Anthony!:
What's your favourite television programme?:
In any episode,
were goats involved?:
What's your favourite film?:
Why is it your favourite - because it didn't associate
with goats?:
What's your dream date?:
With whom would you go on this dream date?:
Why would you exclude
the goats like that?:
Are you a left-handed deformed freak?:
Likewise! Put it there!:
Who's your favourite
author?:
Did he/she write of goats?:
Have you killed anyone?:
Besides wanting to kill me, of course?:
If so, congratulations!:
Goats weren't harmed, were they?:
What's the average wind/speed velocity
of an African or European swallow, with additional coconuts?:
What's the meaning of Life?:
What's your religious
stance?:
Would you ever consider worshipping a goat?:
Do you know any homosexual Bosnian window-cleaners?:
Do you think the colour yellow tastes like marshmallows, or is it just me?:
How would you reply to someone
if he/she said "Potato"? to you:
What's your opinion of Hitler's moustache: a) refrigerated lentil, b) deceased aardvark
penis?:
Do you *genuinely* believe the moon's composed of cheese?:
Have you been sniffing copious amounts
of goat shit?:
Good, hey?:
Is Dirk Diggler a god among men, or what?:
Who believes hair so unruly
it resembles a privy carpet isn't attractive?:
Do you think the Oompa-Loompas were merely the Seven Dwarves after
several years of painstaking torture in Nam?:
Who thinks impracticality is a flaw, rather than a virtue?:
Well,
fuck you!:
Do you believe in St. Neville, patron saint of uncleanly fingernails?:
Why do you think I'm obnoxious,
on the whole?:
Do you sometimes see life as nothing but a ball of dung?:
If so, you can make love to me:
What
are you doing these holidays?:
That would have sounded interesting, if it had involved goats...:
Bon voyage:
Love from
Diamond Crotch
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