Home | Who are these morons!? | Why should I read this trash... | Episode 1: The real reason. | Episode 2: Ramblings | Episode 3: The history of the Goat | Episode 4: ! The Survey ! | Episode 5: Time Travelling Goat Haters | Episode 6: Time Travelling Marshmallows | Episode 7: The original Words to "I was made for loving you" by Kiss | Episode 8: Again with the Ramblings.... | Episode 9: The sect of GunNarhia-Onn-Mhy-Buttuk | Episode 10: Return of the Fuckwhits | Episode 11: The Endless Summer of Fun - a Letter | Other Odd Ornaments
Here Beginneth this crap...
Episode 4: ! The Survey !

The following is a survey composed my bored arsehole with nothing particularly better to do. Beware that it may contain lewd questions relating to the sexual habits of hoofed mammals, the density of helium inside a testicle sack, or the migratory patterns of sheep made entirely of nachos. If you even *understood* any of the above, I suggest you go get a rhesus blood type shot, and then read on!!!

Name:

Do you think I give a shit?:

Age:

So does that mean you're legal?:

Do you like goats?:

You've passed: what's the name of your favourite goat?:

Why is it your favourite goat?:

Did meeting your favourite goat involve canned cheese?:

Why not?:

What do you look for in a man?:

What do you look for in a woman?:

What do you look for in a goat?:

What are the similarities?:

What's your most embarrassing moment?:

Did *this* involve goats?:

Just a question; did any moment of your godforsaken life involve goats, or are you merely stringing me along like a bunch of bastards?:

So it *did* involve a goat?!:

How much do you want to kill me right now?:

How many times have you had your heart broken?:

That's nothing compared to me, is it?:

Will you forward this email on?:

If not, you must be sane, yes?:

Who's your best friend?:

Who's your funniest friend?:

Who's your loudest fried?:

NB: goats excluded.

What are some of your favourite bands?:

Fuck you, Gerard & Anthony!:

What's your favourite television programme?:

In any episode, were goats involved?:

What's your favourite film?:

Why is it your favourite - because it didn't associate with goats?:

What's your dream date?:

With whom would you go on this dream date?:

Why would you exclude the goats like that?:

Are you a left-handed deformed freak?:

Likewise! Put it there!:

Who's your favourite author?:

Did he/she write of goats?:

Have you killed anyone?:

Besides wanting to kill me, of course?:

If so, congratulations!:

Goats weren't harmed, were they?:

What's the average wind/speed velocity of an African or European swallow, with additional coconuts?:

What's the meaning of Life?:

What's your religious stance?:

Would you ever consider worshipping a goat?:

Do you know any homosexual Bosnian window-cleaners?:

Do you think the colour yellow tastes like marshmallows, or is it just me?:

How would you reply to someone if he/she said "Potato"? to you:

What's your opinion of Hitler's moustache: a) refrigerated lentil, b) deceased aardvark penis?:

Do you *genuinely* believe the moon's composed of cheese?:

Have you been sniffing copious amounts of goat shit?:

Good, hey?:

Is Dirk Diggler a god among men, or what?:

Who believes hair so unruly it resembles a privy carpet isn't attractive?:

Do you think the Oompa-Loompas were merely the Seven Dwarves after several years of painstaking torture in Nam?:

Who thinks impracticality is a flaw, rather than a virtue?:

Well, fuck you!:

Do you believe in St. Neville, patron saint of uncleanly fingernails?:

Why do you think I'm obnoxious, on the whole?:

Do you sometimes see life as nothing but a ball of dung?:

If so, you can make love to me:

What are you doing these holidays?:

That would have sounded interesting, if it had involved goats...:

Bon voyage:

 
 
Love from
Diamond Crotch 

Here Beginneth this crap...

BORING... back one...

Episode 3: The history of the Goat

ENGALLBAN AFER DIS WAN...

Episode 5: Time Travelling Goat Haters